October 21st, 2013 - - - October 25th, 2013

MONDAY
PG=100

DAILY GOAL: FINSIH DAMN PLAYS FOR THE LAST FRICKIN TIME GAHHH

ACHEIVED? SURE. MAYBE. YES.

SO if this script needs to be edited one more FUCKING time I might die. Because I have put my blood sweat tears and art into this play trying to make it good enough for Seb to direct.

I made it have some sort of arch and emotion and ya--- I kept my artistic integrity (which is hard to do, because I don't have a lot of it) and I still managed to change most of my script to fit what needed to be done.
 Hayley's out. I just--- ya.

I don't know what else to say. It hink the piece is speaking for itself.
Let's just hope its not cursing someone out or speaking in a different language.
That'd be PRETTY bad.
 (posting script pics from ipod> hope they went through)


TUESDAY
PG=100

DAILY GOAL: Internship thingy in NYC

DO I have to blog about this? I don't really want to blog about this. I came. I saw. I conquered.

HOWEVER I will say that one of the plays we are reading right now is from the Netflix Collections and our homework is to watch BBC SHERLOCK, which I watch and worship on a daily basis.
The inner fan girl in me is super happy.



WEDNESDAY
PG=100

DAILY GOAL: Jillian Lesson

ACHEIVED? yes.

So I worked with Jillian today again. Things are going swell---steadily. We "completed" the song. Now I'm just tweaking the performance of it---- presentation of it.

Hopefully by next week we will be good. I'll try and record her. That should be fun. XP

Til Next week.



THURSDAY
PG=100

DAILY GOAL:    COLLEGE ESSAYS

ACHEIVED? NOPE. YES. GAH.

So I worked really hard on these three essays--- that I'm not using now because I have decided to not apply to Yale and Brown.

I'm just---gah----senior depression.

I just want to be good enough for something-- but that shouldn't be my goal. GAH
Sometimes I really hate how I act.

I might as well share the essay's that I worked really hard on


*Brown question one:* Tell us where you have lived - and for
> how long -
> > since you were born; whether you've always lived in the same
> place, or
> > perhaps in a variety of places. (100 word limit)
> >
> >
> > I have always ‘lived’ in New Jersey. For 16 years I stayed
> within the arms
> > of the garden state and allowed it to coddle me into the
> carbon copy of the
> > stereotypical bourgeois Jewish-american girl. I went through
> the movements
> > of life like a cog inside of a factory, and never questioned
> the function
> > of the machine. I witnessed the other gears grind to a halt
> around me while
> > others continued cycling through the movements without an end.
> I heard the
> > squeaky wheels being silenced and then replaced, and thought
> nothing of
> > their squeals until it was I who was being replaced in the
> system. From the
> > sidelines I could see the bright new gears quickly evolve into
> rusted> rotating cylinders that were stuck on a repetitive loop
> forced to partake
> > in the same menial job every day without end. I heard them
> call it the life
> > in which they choose to live and felt the heaviness in their
> words like a
> > brick on my back. I have been in New Jersey for 16 years, but
> I have not
> > lived there. For me, there is no living in the 3rd state of
> America.>
> >
> >
> > *Brown Question 2: *We all exist within communities or groups
> of various
> > sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is
> important to
> > you, and how it has shaped you. (150 word limit)
> >
> >
> > I am a part of the artistic community because it allows me to
> see that I
> > am not a good person, but gives me the opportunity to be a
> great person
> > through art. Art is transformative for both the maker and the
> viewer. I
> > love the versatile nature of artists; always evolving and
> adapting into the
> > world as it changes. Nay, I would go as for to say that the
> world changes
> > because art makes it change. I keep finding that the barrier
> between artist
> > and art is constantly being re-defined every passing day. Art is
> > collaborative in every sense of the word: because we discover
> ourselves> through art. by surrounding myself with art, I absorb
> the ability to do as
> > such: to always be changing, to always being re-defining
> everything, and to
> > always be involved in collaboration with other individuals.
> Art is
> > the application of human creativity, skill, and imagination.
> By being a
> > part of a society that embraces this definition to the point
> where they
> > are the definition, is truly humbling as a human being. To do
> art, is to be
> > human. Being an artist is the most human thing I could
> possibly think of,
> > and what greater group to belong to than the human race itself.
> >
> >
> > *Brown Question 3: *Why are you drawn to the area(s) of study you
> > indicated in our Member Section, earlier in this application?
> (150 word
> > limit)
> >
> >
> > I have always been enthralled with the written language. I
> consumed words
> > like food in my early ages. I drank them in as if they were
> ambrosia and
> > let the run-on sentence trickle down my cheeks, yet my hunger
> was never
> > satisfied with the verses I was given. As I grew older my
> desire for prose
> > followed my evolution exponentially, yet the more I craved the
> less I was
> > able to attain, and yet, my hands never stopped holding
> themselves out
> > asking: “Please sir, may I have some more?” Therefore when I
> was given
> > nothing and left to my own devises, I came to the conclusion
> that if I
> > could not find the words to mollify me I would have to create
> my own. I
> > wrote on laptops, and napkins, and notepads, and walls. Any
> surface that
> > would hold ink, would hold my words. Even those nights when I
> would run out
> > of ink or break the pen from pushing to hard into the paper: I
> would find
> > other means to get my messages across. I would press my
> fingertips into the
> > keyboard so fast and so hard sometimes, that the skin would
> split and
> > create a red coat over my keyboard. The literature was always
> worth it: The
> > plays and the words were always worth the blisters and the
> head-aches.
> >
> > (I DONT KNOW HOW TO END THIS ESSAY)


(sorry, its copied from an email---so ya)




FRIDAY
PG=100

DAILY GOAL: umm---set up for party?

ACHEIVED: yes.


I'm a horrible artist. I did nothing really artistic today. Because I'm throwing a Halloween party for 98% of MCVTS and I'm going to count that as something artistic.

Sometimes you need a day off because everything sucks, and your a highschool teenager and life wants to kill you.
So ya---
there's that.

The party is going to be AWESOME and there has been a lot of thought and work put into it so I guesss that is also work effort.

Point is: I don't want to fail.

I know you will judge me.
Harshly, cruely.

But I will stand by that statement that I could use a day off from artist-ing. I art every day and I deserve some peace.
"take a day for yourself".

YOU GOTTA FIGHT
FOR YOUR RIGHT
TO PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYY


<3

That's all I got.

Sorry.

October 12th, 2013 --- October 19th, 2013

MONDAY

PG=100

No school

TUESDAY

PG=100

Advanced playwrights workshop.

Started a new internship workshop with Young Playwrights Inc. 

it's really great: I remember a few excersizes from sophomore year at Urban Retreat: but I'm so glad to be working with/under Nic Gendillio and Sheri (last name I can't spell). 

WEDNESDAY 

PG=100

DAILY GOAL: COntinue working on ENSD

ACHEIVED? Sure

So I did good work, but It's just not their yet. I'm doubting my work and that's not good. I just want to make art an make good art- I know I can't please everyone but I'm having a hard time just pleasing myself. It sounds like a personal problem. It is. 

Gah I should have just been a tech.

Before:

After:

THURSDAY

PG=100

DAILY GOAL: work with Jillian

ACHEIVED? OH GOD YES

So as I said last week, Jillian ha a fear problem. However, that being said: I feel that she really made a break through in our lessons this week. She took the leap and landed. I'm really proud of her growth. I suggested that we work on her easy song for another week and then show it to someone (she will chose the   someone) to help her get over her fear of performance.

I hate that word, even though that word was once my definition. 

I'm going to teach her how to present a song, rather than perform it.

Hopefully she can grow to the point where I can show aladren how my she ha progressed. 

Fingers crossed.

FRIDAY

PG=100

DAILY GOAL: Work on two essays for College.

ACHEIVED? Ya!!

So I think I'm onto something with my brown and Yale essays.

They both want short paragraphs on complex topics: so I have worked these two essays hard! Hope aladren sees this so we can discuss and fix I Monday.

I'm posting from my iPod, so I cannot attach the essays now but I will once I get my laptop!

The first essay was an essay for brown about where I live and where I grew up.

The second is for Yale: a revise second draft of my "pick a group you belong to and tell us why you like them and how they have shaped you etc.". I completely wrote somehow different which is a MILLION times better.

Hope it's good!

October 7th, 2013 --- October 11th, 2013

AN: So I'm not sure if this is posting because I am currently not home with wifi. Fingers crossed! I'll try and upload my photos as soon as I can get some wifi.


MONDAY
PG= 100

DAILY GOAL: Thinking

ACHEIVED? YES!

Now: n't count: but I know it does. In class we discussed the many plot holes in my play, Everyone Named Sara Dies: and I had a lot to think about! i need to figure out a way to add the underlining, tying, theme of unity and youth, while still making it hysterical. I needed to figure out my pr tagonist and their conflicts and created a tiny triangle map:

SAM --- sister-----GIRL
GIRL---  lovers --- CAIN
CAIN--- haters----- SAM

BAM! plot, theme, spine, comedy: figured it out. So my play is going over a cosmetic makeover, and i am LITERALLY starting from scratch. I just needed a day to figure it out: i'm gonig to try and keep the key events, but i'm willing to move things around. I think if I create these very extreme relationships between SAM and CAIN, and GIRL and CAIN-- it may work. Hopefully, I can pull it off.


TUESDAY
PG=100

DAILY GOAL: begin plan discussed on monday

ACHIEVED: yes/no.

So I have a good start---- it is no where near done, but I have a good start. I kinda created the needy child complex with Sam as in she needs her sister's attention and Cain is her road-block, and that Girl needs cain because she wants more protection, plus people, and Cain is pretty sexy (nothing stops teenage hormones. Not even the zombie apocolypse). Only issue is: I still don't know what CAIN wants-- I mean, I know he wants GIRL but I don't know what he has to loose--- besides the girl.... I mean, I guess that is good stakes: but Cain is kinda a big jerk. So I don't know: i may have to change his chracter-- grr. Why couldn't I jsut become a techy.

In another part of the universe: I started writing my webseries: SWAGSPEARE. I've been wanting to do something like this for a really long time, and I think this is my big year to do it. My mission statement is to write a script on all (100something) shakespeare plays, summerize/highlight the key elements in under 60seconds, using "hilarious modern lingo". So far I only have 4 episodes,  but I think its really good! But then again, we've established that I'm blind so--- who knows! Hoping for the best.
Also, if I'm being honest--- I think I need todo this jsut incase my play sucks--- I'm terrified of it sucking. I don't want to fail my fellow seniors and give Seb a horrible play. I can't please everyone, but to please myself I at least need to try and please the people that are important. This is, of course, my director. I don't know: i'll figure it out. Maybe add a few short episodes in there to raise a grade.


WEDNESDAY
PG=100

DAILY GOAL: help Jillian sing better

ACHEIVED? meh?

Jillian is a pretty good singer. She tries, she does her excersizes--- but we've hit a bit of a tiff. Jillian doesn't take risks. If I don't tell her exactly how to do something, she is afraid to find her own way. And I see this alot in her character. She sits at my table, and durring classes like script analysis she discusses with me and is very bright: but the minute someone asks her to say it to the group or what she thinks--- she goes all dear in the headlights! It bothers me SOOOO mcuh! She is smart, and if she keeps working at it,m she will be VERY talented--- but she is too terrified./ She needs to get out of the way---of herself---if that makes sense.
I see alot of me in her. Except opposite---if that makes sense. Where I was, freshmen year ,always hogging the spotlight, I think she is shy and scared of the spotlight. Just like me freshmen year: we are our worst enemies. We over think and over-rationalize things. Where I would over think that if I don't jump at every chanceit will pass me, she thinks that if you she doesn't say anything she cannot get hurt. She calls herself a perfectionist (she's not, I know: i'm a perfectionist. OCD QUEEN), but she's not willing to fail to get to her perfection.
I refuse to give up on her: i am going to make her fail at something in public: THEN SHE CAN GROW TO THE HEIGHTS OF GODS! (wow, powerful metephors: bring it back in Hayley).

She told me that she is scared of failure.
You never learn anything from sucess. It is failure that is the greatest educator of all.
Many times the greatest sucesses are from failure:
Example: the post it, penasylin, glue, the french fry, most shows on FOX, and me.
I am one of the greatest products of failure: and I think myself to be a big sucess.
Sorry to make this all about me: (write what you know==)
I need to stop talking......


THURSDAY
PG=100

DAILY GOAL: register and begin application on Yale

ACHIEVED? Like a boss.

So YALE takes the common app. I did not know this until a few hours ago. In fact, all but one college on my list accept the common app.
MY LIFE JSUT GOT SO MUCH EASIER. 
I think I put off starting my application, because I was terrified of all the website I would hav eto go through: if you don't know me, I am a ludite. Just recently, I learned how to attach pictures to an email and how to comment on google docs. ADVANCED.
I got an account and filled out 87% of my applications.

I read up all on yale and brown and DePaul: and I honestly, can't wait to start!!!!

WOOP! COLLEGE.

FRIDAY
PG=100

DAILY GOAL: continue work from TUESDAY

ACHIEVED? well--- I showed up.

I'm blaming my daomon/genuis on this one. I showed up: nothing. I tried to work out things, but I think I'm still married to my SNLish script.
I'm trying to write well, I'm trying to grow-- but its hard. i've never re-written anything so much in my entire life and it's taking a toll on me. So I moved onto my Swagspeare project.

It bothers me that my side project is blossoming, while my grade work is plumiting. I just want to be a good artist: that's all. I want to contribut eto conversations, and do it honestly:

BUT IT SO DANG HARD. SECVBHNJP{}:"{()*U&Y^%$#ESDRTFCGVHJBNKLM

On another note, I showed my few episodes to a few people: and it's really picking up steam! I got up to 10 episodes, including a guest episode on Edgar Allan Bro (and latter, Mark Twerk: "hunk"leberry finn). I also started figuring out location, shot sheet and everything for our first episode: Romeo & Juliet.

I really wanted to cast brett, but his conflicts limit him until November: it doesn't seem very far away, but I need to start on this now. November will be the beginging of the end on Senior Showcase.
So I'm going to apporach Kenny & Nicola on tuesday for filming at my house next week.

Only missing thing is: CAMERA.

I want to ask Hannah if I can borrow her Cannon, but I don't think that's gonig to go so well--- SO i am going to perhaps call A favor from my dear good friend Sam in the film program..... =)

I really think I'm onto something big: I jsut wish all this was going into my senior showcase play.

Any art is good art: i'll take what I can get.


tootles!

September 9/30/2013 --- October 10/4/2013

MONDAY

PG= 100

DAILY GOAL: Submit Everyone Named Sara Dies to City Theatre, Not die, Write a synopsis and SPELL EVERYTHING CORRECTLY.

ACHEIVED? YESH.

So I re-submitted my play through their new online submissions program. That was fun. I had to walk Rachel's brother through the submissions because Rachel is out of commission (hope she gets better). I was really shocked at how long my artistic bio was: I was like--- I did things! It came to be around half a page and to that--- I narcissistically pay myself on the back. 

(there is no before and after so here are some pictures)

TUESDAY

PG=1000000

DAILY GOAL: finish ENSD for the last damn time

ACHEIVED? BEST WORKDAY EVER

So I feel really really really really good about this new draft. Aladren wasn't here today so in senior shop we read through everything for senior showcase and did very detailed feedback. I basically erased everything after they broke Cain's foot. So I pondered about how to keep the realness of the beginning, while also keeping that parody feel to it. 

I found a really cool in between area: and to be honest: I really could not have done it anywhere else but the theatre room. My Deamone lives there: we started balling out ideas an it just hit like a tidal wave---- I'm really excited for this draft.

I also realized that I think Sam's story isn't of trying to be like her sister, but to be an individual of her own ALLONG side her sister. Like---I just hit a tender spot with her at the end and I think I hit all the right notes. We'll find out tomarrow! Hopefully, this is be the last draft so I can start on more important things like college essays and senior showcase money fundraising and budgets---- My OCD wont let me go out of order. 

Point black: had a great creative day. 

BEFORE:

AFTER: 

WEDNESDAY

PG=100

DAILY GOAL: start at least one essay.

ACHEIVED? Yes!

So I started some college essays in class today: my common app essay and then. A short quip for Brown. Hopefully I can continue, my 150 word brown essay is pretty bad: but I think I got something with my commo app. 

The year I turned seven was the year when everything I touched died. That nostalgic November of 2006, my great grandma Leah pasted away on my birthday.  I always envisioned November as the month of decadence, but it quickly turned into 30 days of death. Seeing my father slumped in his leather office chair sobbing broke my birthday girl spirit. No one should be crying at 4 in the afternoon, they should be blowing out candles and opening wrapped gifts; and sitting on my mothers lap as she tried effortlessly to explain what death was, I escaped the moment and her words to trail off selfishly to the thought of what my birthday could have been. When I was asked if I had any questions, I only replied “When can I have my birthday cake?”

Later in the week, my cat of 18 years died in my arms on the basement floor. My mother turned away as I stared at the carcass that had died so slowly of old age and heart failure. My mother demanded that he should be buried with love because she loved him so much and it pained her to see him leave. I only demanded another cat.

It wasn’t until January that I finally understood what a death was. Learning about the American Gangsters Cagney and Lacy--- I began to break down in the middle of 4^th grade American History Class. Cagney was my cat that slept at the edge of my bed every night. He purred so loudly that I found myself being unable to sleep without the loud rumbling next to my ear. That night after my temper-tantrum in school, I found myself sleeping for the first time in 3 months, yet I also found myself dreamless. It is a scary thought to be unable to sleep, but an even scarier reality when you can no longer dream.

After that, I became obsessed with loss. Obsessed with understanding it and figuring out how to stop it. I read every book, listened to every audiotape, watched every film ever made on death--- all to no avail. There was no answer to my question: how does one prevent death. People have told me that you can prolong it by staying healthy, sleeping well, and not doing drugs. Although those can extend one’s life, it was a false fact and not the answer I was searching for. The answer finally came to me in another visionless night. Art is the only way one can avoid death. It conserves the mind, it voices the spirit, and it consumes the physical being. Art is not a factor of life: art is life. So when the 8^th birthday comes around, and my pet goldfish is murdered I will morn my loss. I will understand it, and I will make some abstract surreal painting on how the death of MultonMilkEye The III has changed me; and I will use it to change others. Death is no longer my identity. True, death is a part of me as it is a part of everyone: but it no longer defies me. Art is my definition.

 

 BROWN ESSAY

 

I love the glamour of fantasy. I find myself most at home when am far from home. The community that I was raised in was not the Jewish bourgeoisie neighborhood where lived, but rather the human chessboard in Queen Elizabeth’s royal court. I am a bit of a huge nerd, and my community of fellow geeks can assure you of it. We dwell in the lands of fantasy and we rule the renaissance faire. The best part about being in a group of such imaginative individuals is that there are no limits in the mind. If you can imagine it, you can make it happen. So today I may be a sword-dwelling Orc, or Lady Gwendolyn the VII, but I always know that no matter who I am—I am being true to me.  My community of cosplayers make me a better person: in fantasy and in reality.

THURSDAY

PG=100

DAILY GOAL: Nyasia and stuff

ACHEIVED? Sure!

So went on an AMAZING field trip with MCVTS to see PROOF at McCarter (congrats to kimani and Xxavier for getting Into the McCarter youth company!!) 

I got to talk to Paula, the educational god there who is at every single matinee. She coordinates very thing and I just love her: she's a playwrighting coach and she is just stunning. Literally, she's boss. Hope to talk to her more when we see her at fences.

After that Nyasia came home with me and we had a sleepover where we studied for or SAT's and watched Wes Anderson interviews and a web series called HIPSTERHOOD. So basically--out blog is getting cultural. We discussed senior showcase plays and how to fix certain elements (aka my spelling). 

So basically--- we bonded and learned things and became rounded artists. Nyasia took our study SELFIES as proof but I forgot to ask her to send them I me so I could post it------ they're out there somewhere.

FRIDAY

PG=100

DAILY GOAL: work on pronounciation with Jillian

ACHIEVED? Wow

Before I start this, Imma just say Jillian has improved SOOOOOOOOOO much since our first lesson. She is doing her excersize a and it really shows! She extended her range from her highest note being c# to E. 

so I started her on some more excersizes: I give her a vowel scale to practice and several tounge twisters to loosen her jaw up. Also, I know I'm not supposed to start her on a song, but I picked a really easy one for her to practice hitting notes. She always misses A (I don't know why, but she can never hit it) so I got her singing in the key of A I a simple well known song just to try it out. She has a good voice , but is very breathy in phrasing so I got her working on that as well. Hope she progresses even more- glad to be working with her :)