Me Still trying to write Spoken Word; this could be the one!

( I could use some help finding a title <3 ALSO: FEEDBACK WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED)




I could fall in love with you---
head over heels and into a ditch
fall like I was pushed out of a moving car
and tumble down into the grass
and get green stains on my dress
and I could smile and I could care less
because I would be too busy falling in love with you.
I could fall in love with you if I wanted to.



I just don't want to.



I've seen what happens to girls like me in the movies,
I know the ending---and not all endings are happy-
so let's pause the screen while we're ahead,
and leave it there
frozen in time
a time when I was too young to know what falling was,
a time when you were too beautiful to even talk to--
you must think  I'm silly,
because I'm writing a poem--
I think you're silly because you think this poem is about you
you think this poem is about me pining away my feelings
you think this poem is about how I can't think without you,
that the world can't spin without you,
that I can't live without you.



This isn't your poem.



This is a poem about me,
This is a poem about me and love,
This is a poem about me and movies,
This is a poem about me and falling
and skinning my knees---
Just because I've tripped over you,
doesn't mean that I fell for you.



I could fall for you,
but I have a little more self respect than to put my happiness inside of someone else's hands,
I've been there before at the bottom of that barrel
I felt a boy's hands clasp around my heart
and squeeze the love out of me like a sponge;
like everything inside of me wasn't natural
that it was only meant to be there temporarily
to hold it and release it
pour it out of my soul
onto someone else's hands
and get dry and hard--- and discarded like a kitchen cleaning utensil.



I'm not a sponge,
I am a girl, dammit!



Sometimes at night I think of what it would be like
to let you hold me---
but I know that the night is for dreaming
and that reality is the sun and it's coming soon
I can see it over the horizon

But reality isn't necessarily all that bad
I like who I am when the sun wakes up
and shines it's rosy cheeks in my direction

Who would have guess that in the end, I would actually like myself.
Not me, that's for sure---
Not you, either---



You told me that you found my lack of confidence charming.
You told me that you found my insecurities: interesting,
my innocence alarming, my school girl naivety; impressive.



If this was freshmen year,
I would have fallen for you.
I would have let myself fall out of that car and tumble down that hill
right into the sewer gutter
and I wouldn't have moved because I would hope to think that you would go down there and save me and that we could be happily ever after----



But this isn't freshmen year----
and I know that when I fall down,
I was given hands and legs to help me pick myself up
I'm not a potato
I can do things.


Give me doors to open
Give me roofs to raise,
Give me hands to hold,
Give me hearts to break---

Give me someone who would fall for me----
Cuz I'm done falling.


I've done my share of broken foots, and black medical boots
I've said my lines in the script
Give me a pen and a paper
Let me write my own ending



I don't know if it will be happy
But I know it will be mine.
Tomorrow will be mine.