PG=100 (again?! Oh oh...get ready for some shiz to go down).
Today in Theatre we brefly talked about blogs. Ms. Aladren talked about us using our blogs to stand for what we believe in. Making a diffrence. And that really touched me, on a deep personal level.
I take my blog very un-seriously. Its not a joke. Its life. It's fun...its quirky. It's me.
But Ms.Aladren really opened my eyes to see what i can do. I could use a blog to be entertaining: to me and to others.
Or i can make a diffrence.
I've had some stuff going on with me for quite a while, actually. It's always been on my mind; what i'm about to say.
I think i really started to get serious about it when i was in RSAC. I was having the time of my life, until i reached one of my all time lows back at RSAC. I was really ashamed, i had to have Marshall come talk to me...it was just a train wreck. I couldn't stop crying.
I had finally had the epiphany that i was un-wanted by everybody else at RSAC. It was a great experience for me...on a proffesional level. Personally, it was like going back to my old school.
I sat by myself most of the time. I tried to keep quite, you know..hopeing maybe that i wouldn't annoy everyone like i usally do. But i somehow managed to get everyone to hate me. It was later in the 2nd week, begginging of the third when the comments started to get to me. I heard things, at first i thought i was just paraniod. You know, those tiny sly remarks about "how her but looks dino in those shorts" and "Why no one wants to be workng with her". It was just really depressing. Plus i was having troubles with my room -mate.
We started off really well, but then suddenly she decided to hate me and knit-pick at every little thing I did. Like, the way i work until the crack of dawn, while she paints her nails and cries on the phone to her parents about me "ruining her life" while i'm in the room! And how i get up early to shower so i dont have to fight everyone else for the shower...you know? She was dead asleep...but she still complained about how i "bullied her, and anoyyed her with my constant working". I cut my guitar and vocie practice down from 5 hours a day to 10 minutes a week...and then she got worse and worse. (Marshall was also involved in this...but everyone sided with me when it came to this). But she really did make my life a living hell...and on top of it..it was just...hell!
But i got throguh it.
I reallyized that I had felt like Sh*% because i lack self asteem.
I have the biggest drive in the world, but i don't have the self- asteem to back it up.
But i want to make a change. I want to be someone, to help people who belive that they are no one.
When i was little, i was always picked on. Bullied. I mean, its gotten worse over the years...But when i was young all i wanted to do was sing. And with my singing, i thoghut that i could change the world and make it better. A place where a girl can sing, and not be a size 0. Where a girl can stand up for her belives and not have rocks thrown at her. A place for those quirky, girls who don't think they're beautiful. i dreamed of a palce where we were all beautiful.
I haven't lost that drive...its just evolved into something less of its self. Like its entirely diffrent from when it used to be. I want that back...that drive. I would do anything to get that back.
I used to be a quirky confident girl who knew she was going to change the world.
Now i'm a quirky girl who wants to be what i was before i let the world get to me.
Personally, i think there is no going back to what i was. I've passed the piont of no return, and then some.
But i know girls that do not belive that they're beautiful, and talented, and powerful. They are.
Every girl is powerful.
I want to help.
So when i was off at RSAC, i came up with this idea...that sometime in the future I WILL, have a non-profit organization that works with girls to help improve self image and help those talented girl suceed in their dreams. No matter what it's going to coast me. I want to go to them, and help make heir dreams come true; make them feel wanted. Something that was never really done for me.
I want the world to see, what they dont. I want them to see the beautiful, talented, POWERFUL girls.
I dreamed that i one day would start " The Pretty Project".
A project dedicated to changing self image to not wanting to be that starving girl on the magazine.
I want to change it to girls wanting to be themselves.
It know this blog sounds repetitive, and long..it is. But its worth saying. Its worth something to me.
I felt like it was something worth sharing...
So..starting soon, hopefully..I am going to create ANOTHER blog which i all hope you fallow.
It will be a blog dedicated soley to "the Pretty Project". And it will be articles about girls that are mis-fortunate enough to not have that self-asteem, and how so many pay...and also those girls who were like me and many others i know...Girls that overcame their mountians and vallies. Girls that became someone and did something. And hopefully, in the future...it will be about how i have, or anyone i know..helped those girls who could have been mis-fortunate. Helped them become pretty. Inside and out.
Thank you for your time if you actually read this. It really means alot to me. Please, if you would be so kind respond to this..or send it people. Make a diffrence not be a dream. Help make it real.
Hayley Michelle
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