PG=100
My dad is driving me CRAZYYYYY. my dad wants me to audition with 'Romeo and Juliet".
I freaked.
This is the SEVENTH TIME hes told me to do so.
And this is also the SEVENTH TIME i told him NO. EVERYONE does that.
And he's jsut agrivating me.
ALOT.
He wants me to do a monolugue from "Romeo and Juliet" (no), "Majority of one" (AGE APPROPRIATE DAD!!!!) and "Imitation of Life" (A movie, from what i know. PLAYS ONLY PLEASE).
UGGG. He thinks he nkwos everything, but he doesnt.
I mean, im a teenager; im supposed to think i know everything...whicvh is true...but i dont.
But i sure as HELL, know WAYYYY more aout theater then him!
He still calls my freshmen showcase a "Talent Show".
I love my parents, they're totally supportive...but sometimes i wonder if the listen when i talk. is it just gonig one ear throguh the other.
Thats my problem; they dont understand it. If it doesnt have music in it they dont get it.
They dont get me.
as a person.
or maybe an artist.
They act all interested infront of everyone, but they dont really care.
I try to show them my work all the time, but theyre to busy to look up and see. or hear.
Theyre always working and stuff.
Most of the time im home with my cat; writing stuff that nobody reads.
Its really aggrivating; i mean, my cat listens. Maybe because i force him too, but still. he's there.
Whatever...iuts not like anyones there...right?
I dont even know why i write all of this. I mean, people read it and its private....but i just feel drawn to post.
Maybe because i want the attention: but i dont.
THats my problem; im a gollum. split personality.
I was thinknig about what Ms.Aladren said "You are who you are when no one is looking".
God, im such a terrible person.
In the moment, i dont think about the attention; but secretyl, sub-concouisly, i do.
I dont do it for the attention; i do it to be heard.
Alot of people complain that im loud and everything. i donbt even know how that started..but all i know is that i do it to be noticed. heard. Im not a brick in the wall; im more like the barbed wire on top. people dont like that i guess. Like barbed wire; i push away people that come near me (or scratch and mame them..you know, same diffrence). I repell people with my "aquired taste-ness".
Well, frankly FUCK YOU! I dont give a shit.
Who i really am? Is a sad blob who always feels sorry for-herself. An attention hogging, grasping, son-of-a bitch, terrible person.
Im not a nice person when im alone.
I dont talk much; and frankly all i do is cry. think about the day i had; and cry.
Even if it was good.
Lately its becoming a ritual; i dont know. Alot of my old habbits are starting to become a ritualistic part of my day.
I've ben having meltdowns at least once a week; or more. Ive been crying myself to sleep every day.
I dont know whats going on. Its jsut really hard. I want to say its "pressure" but its not. I deal with it all the time; i think its jsut myself.
a young-life crisis?
All i know is that i'm a pysco, you guys want me to shut up about my god damn feelings, and my dad wants me to audition with Romeo and Juleit..
no.
Hayley Michelle
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