Pg=100
When did i become pretty?
Thats what i'd like to know.
Today is Superbowl Sunday, and im freaknig out, because...
I
LOVE
FOOTBALL.
I mean, what's not to like? hot guys, funny last names on the jersey's, and celery with ranch dresssing.
Its like heaven....<3 <3 <3
anyways, so im trying on jersey's ( i have seven diffrent Giants jerseys. Sad that they didn't make the sueprbowl, rooting for the stealers!), and i look in the mirror...and im pretty.
So i started freaking out and stuff...like...WHAT THE FUDGE?!?! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!?!? OVER NIGHT?!?!?!
So i called up my friend and i started flipping out and she was like
"htats what i told you hayley!!" and then we went back and forth arguing about something i cant remember, and she is over here setting up.
Getting back to the story...I feel wierd. Like, i'm not a confident person. i mean..i AM a confident person. I'm always tyhe funny girl, the one that does all the coolest dares at parties..but im not self-confident person.
I would like to blame myself...but i cant. Im blaming my friends and my family.
they suck.
IM SORRY BUT ITS TRUE!!!!!!!!!1
my family is always going off on me about my wieght and stuff, and my grandma who used to be a super-model (no joke. She was Miss.France in 19somethin-somethin.) ( she old and i cant remember the year).
Every time she sees me she says "i eat to much and i look like a chubby chipmunck. I t shows in the cheeks". and i cant stand being with her in fear of being ridiculed.
Sometimes, when i go to the mall with my friends my mom makes me change my out fits because she says "i have love-handles and i need to put on something black to hide my fat".
i mean...looking back on it...my family's kinda brutal. I was thinking about going to fat camp this year, but i also have the opertunity to possibly go touring in Europe with my friend's band and her father's band..so im not going.
I think my friend are worse though...
I used to be a pagent girl. Not really...i only did one pagent.
I hate pagents. they're superfical and i hate it becasue malibou barbie always win. (The girl with the biggest boobs. its all about looks and it repulses me. but so is the acting industry. so i losse either way).
It was in 2008 if i remember correctly... and we (Jullianna,Lauren,Adrianna and I) were having a sleepover and they were talking about this "pagent". And i was like.."what pagent?" and they showed me the slip.
They all got the invitation by mail and i was the only one that did get one. So i asked and they said
"They only send them to the pretty girls".
You would probably punch them...but its alright.
I make them look prettier and skinnier...but theyt make me look nicer. so its a win-win situation...i think.
Anyways, i made a bet with them that i could get into the finals of the pagent to proove them that its not all about boobs and blonde hair.
I got into the final 5, and i was kicked out. The pagent was rigged. they got some diverse girl anmed Keira to win. It didn't care. I hate pagents, i sit home and watch Miss Americia pagents and i point and laugh at them becuase they are plastic. Good news, is that if they fall on stage they're plastic life preserves they have shooved in their boobs will cushion the fall.
But anyways, I never felt good about myself...and now..kinda talknig about it i feel really bad...but i feel alot better them before.
I think its because , my eyelashes are growing in...
I think its time that i "come out of the closet" about something, before i continue with anything...
i dont like talking about this...but... i have this..."desieze" called Trichatillamania.
its a desize that makes your hair fall out to the piont where you have the obsessive compulsion to pull and rip it out.
i only had it in my eyes..i develpoed it when i was in 1st grade and i was "diegnosed" with it offically in 3rd.
Its sorta the main problem in my life about why i am bullied and have low self-assteem. It makes me feel so terrible and sad. Last time someone brought up about how i have no eyelashes..l. i punch them out. (2 months ago i think, in spanish class).
Its a really touchy subject...But lately ihave been over-coming my battlew wit htrichatillamania and my eyelashes are growing back.
I jsut feel so good about myself, becasue everyone said i coudlnt...and i did.
I think thats the best: when you do something agaisnt the odds.
So if you dont feel pretty or you dont feel loved: i love you. and i think your pretty.
And if your bulleid or something, talk to me. Im a teen theripist..its what i do.
And msot importantly..if you know someone who looks sad, or is insicure...tell them that they're not alone.
If we could all jsut lend a hand to eachoher, we can over co me hate and low seld-assteem.
I feel pretty, and i feel so much better then i did before.
And i know most people wont even look at this blog...but if you are reading out there....your beautiful.
Love, (forever & Always),
Hayley Michelle
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