PG=100
I feel as if my life is falling apart. I just dont have any motivation. I have now piled myself into a deppression; and i can't seem to figure out why. I came into this new school bright and cheery; excited to make new friends. Now i am just a blob.
I heard Adjenea, Hannah and Aleshia talking today in the dressing room; about going to the mall today. Of corse i wasn't invited. Adjenea called my name and i thought she was going to ask if i want to come; but she just giggled and said never mind. They're (Adjenea, Hannah, Aleshia,..all the freshmen but me) are really good friends with eachother; which is great...its just that they dont like me. I dont belong. These are the people that i'm going to be spending the next 4 years of my life with; it would be nice if i was friendly with them. I feel as if i'm drifting in a viod of space; and they're in a WHOLE other galexy. I feel distant; and no matter how hard i try to fit in with them; i wont.
Its not just school either; things have been wierd at home. My dad's forgetting things; its scaring me. Yesturday he forgot my birth-day; his only daughter's simple November 26th birthday. And its not just that; he's forgetting simpler things too. So mom and i bought him these memory pills that are supposed to help you remeber things...but so far its not working. we also force him to take Fish oil; its supposed to be good for the memory gland in your brain. I heard my parents talking about something...and my dad said that he might be getting altimer's..amd he doesnt wanna live that way. you don't know how much it KILLS me to hear him say that. I love my dad; i mean, we always fight.. but i love him. I want him to remember me... i want him to remember my birthday, my prom, my first car, my first rodeo, my first monolugue..i just want him there..and i want him to remeber. I hope he doesn't get alltimers..that's just to much to handle.
Today Shawn Lousie came; i was really excited. I've been botling up my emotions so far; and everything was fine..but the minute i stepped into that auditorium... i just felt so low. Do you know that feeling...that feeling when your home? at night, in the darkest hour; when you can cry and be happy and nobody is there to witness you at your raw moment? that's how i felt..i just wanted to run. But none the less; i enjoyed watching Shawn Pre-form. He asked for volenteer's..and i wanted to volenteer SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO badly..but i knew that if i volenteered..i'd just break down and cry. So i didn't volenteer. I watched Gabe volenteer. He was good. And i was trying to focuss on Shawn and everyone else...but my mind just kept slipping back to all of this drama and wight upon my shoulders. Then there came this moment; that gabe sat there..silently and looked at me. He didnt move at all...looked like a staute. And he just stared at me, as if he was in my mind searching for my soul..and i just started to silently cry. He didn't say anything, he didn't frown or think about why i was crying or that nobody else noticed...but he smiled. And in that smile...it told me that everything as going to be ok.
Some days are going to be rainy; other's there are going to be storm clouds that will color the sky ebony black...but tommarrow?
Tommar will be sunny.
Wish me luck world,
Hayley Michelle
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